Sean Antongiorgi

Harvard Ballet Company presents: illusions "its morning and lively and we're awake but spinning" Choreography: Anna Antongiorgi Music: "its morning and lively and we're awake but spinning" by Sean Antongiorgi and Cole Daniel Videography: Kalos Chu Dancers: Anna Torten-Rabinowitz, Danielle Burton, Erin Aslami, Katherine Newcomb, Nan Venderbush, Nikoletta Kennedy, Nina Montalbano, Payton Thompson, Peyton Darby, Salema Trabelsi

This is my first year film made at CalArts as part of the Experimental Animation program! Coming to CalArts has been a dream of mine for years and it was a huge battle to make it work out financially but I was able to complete my first year, as well as my first year film. I Am Living Uncontrollably means a great deal to me and is what I believe to be the greatest work I’ve made in my life. It takes you through the discovery of my excessive anxiety, how I expressed it as a teenager, how I express it as an adult, my fears about being honest about these emotions with the people in my life, how music keeps me sane and how my past will inform the recovery of my present. This past year has been very rough and I found myself in one of the worst prolonged panic attacks/ state of derealization I had ever experienced. (A lot of fears related to death, my body and mind) I was panicking multiple times a week and felt like I couldn’t process myself or anything around me. Things have been hard in many cases be it personal, professional, financially, school wise and mentally. Art consumption and making has kept me stable through all of it. This film feels like a personal conclusion to adolescence for me; I hope that it serves as a cathartic piece for you too. It gets ugly and scary but a lot of what I have been trying to express through my work for years has been my ugliest and scariest of feelings, but my work often has a soft and cute overtone to it that tends to dampen its intention sometimes. I am no longer afraid of what I’m capable of and hope that this begins a long and fruitful journey of being honest with myself, my family, and the world. A very special thank you to Sean Antongiorgi for making the music and sound design for this piece; he consistently blows me away with his work and this film wouldn’t be half of what it is now without him. Another massive thank you to Angus Oakes, who was with me through all of the immensely painful, scary, beautiful and exciting parts of this process. Both in the making of the film and the fear that inspired it. He is both a fantastic editor and cheerleader.

Bass - Matthew Drake Vocal/Keys - Sean Antongiorgi Vocals/Guitar - Mark Mazzucca Drums - Nathaniel Baron Videography and Editing - Avery Cather Recording Engineers - Cole Daniel, Sean Antongiorgi, Nathaniel Baron Mixing Engineers - Sean Antongiorgi Music and Lyrics - Sean Antongiorgi, Mark Mazzucca, Joaquin Cervantes Peace Light Love. Thank you for your continued support. To quote Harrison Ford, "they're bringing movie theaters back to theaters."